The plastic bottles stared back at her, laughing, mocking. Row after row of green on blue on brown on white. The colors, bright and cheery, whispered false promises, the carefully posed figures reveling in their perfect hair, attainable only through hours of professional care and airbrushing.
Frustrated, Julie ran her fingers through her unruly mop of tangled brown curls. Curled in spots, waved in others, frizzy on the bad days, her hair had a life of its own. Sometimes, at night, the tendrils would snake themselves into giant Gordian knots, leading to painful hours of detangling. The wind, oh the wind, don’t get her started on the wind. Those straight-haired girls with their Burberry umbrellas; the wind never whipped their hair around their faces. It merely teased, tugging a strand out here and there, giving them something to do with their perfectly manicured fingers as they tuck the strands back behind their ears with a giggle. What Julie wouldn’t give for hair like that. When she went out in the wind, tragedy happened. The wind seemed to have a personal dislike for her hair, grabbing curls and spinning them around each other, leaving a frizzy tangled mess in its wake. No quick tuck for her; a cute little gust of wind would lead to hours spent combing out the tangles left by a spiteful breeze. It was windy today, and she had the halo of frizz cocooning the knots to prove it.
With a sigh, she turned away from her thoughts and back to the bottles, still laughing silently, mocking her plight. Moisturizing, volumizing, straightening, defrizzing, curl enhancing, dandruff removing, shine enhancing; the labels promised perfection, no matter what you wanted. That wasn’t all. Hypoallergenic, biodegradable, animal-tested, all natural; somehow the ingredients were her problem, too. On top of that, there was the scent. Too strong and she would spend all day sneezing. Too flowery and she would end up smelling like her grandma – heaven knows she didn’t want that. Mango-passionfruit, designed to excite, lavender-vanilla, designed to soothe, coconut-lime for those tropical nights, the choices were endless.
Twirling a reluctant curl around her finger, Julie wavered between the straightening and the curl-enhancing. Perhaps if she could narrow that down, the other choices would fall into place. She’d always admired the straight-haired girls, with their silky locks, but curls were so much fun. Besides, they gave her something to play with during class. Straight hair would be hassle-free, though, and wouldn’t that be amazing; no stress, no worries, no tangles. She did like the curls, when they behaved. There was something fun about a head full of curls, bouncing when she walked.
This was so frustrating. She’d been pacing up and down the aisle for twenty minutes and was no closer to choosing a shampoo. Turning to see if there were more options behind her, she saw row upon row of glistening bottles of bodywash. “Ooooh, bodywash!” she exclaimed, and her shampoo worries were promptly forgotten. There was no mystery here; they were simply designed to delight the senses. Strawberry lemonade, chocolate coconut, candycane, gingerbread, vanilla bean; the combinations were exquisite. Julie moved from bottle to bottle, inhaling the intoxicating scents. This choice was so easy, the best-smelling soap got taken home. Peering behind bottles and at the ends of the rows, Julie checked and double checked to make sure she had sniffed them all. She decided on the vanilla bean and turned to go.
As she turned, she saw the grinning ladies on the bottles of shampoo, flaunting their perfect hair with a knowing grin. Slapping herself on the forehead for her forgetfulness, she again turned to the task of taking a shampoo home. Pacing back and forth, Julie went up and down the aisle, again bewildered by all of the choices. Impulsively, she reached out, grabbing the bright blue bottle. For oily hair. No, no, that wouldn’t do. Her hair most certainly was not oily. If anything it was the opposite. Hmmm, maybe that was something she should look into. Searching amongst the bright bottles for a shampoo designed for dry, frizzy, sometimes curly hair, Julie was lost in her own world. When the bony claw crabbed her shoulder, she about jumped out of her skin. Startled and embarrassed, for it was only an employee, Julie realized it was closing time. Everyone else had left the store, the old woman was simply waiting on her. Dejected, she began the slow walk to the register.
The old woman looked at Julie’s hair, then reached out and grabbed a small, bright blue bottle off the bottom shelf. As she checked Julie out, she slipped in the blue bottle. Feeling frustrated with her indecision, Julie went home, dreading the moment she had to start the shopping over again; the moment that would continue until she found the perfect bottle.
The bottles did not mock her on the way out, nor did they laugh. They knew which bottle was going home with her. The colors of the bottles looked muted, almost as if they were trying to hide themselves from prying eyes, blending their imperfections into the shadows. What Julie didn’t know is that she was going home with the perfect bottle, and her life would never be the same again.
Journal
Why did you choose the character you did for your piece?
Most of the girls here have been having problems with their hair; I think it’s something in the water. I wasn’t in the mood to write a serious piece, but this was a common enough problem to be believable. I think the multi-textured hair is the hardest to take care of, so it made sense for Julie to have that type. The indecision about shampoo is another common girl problem, the choices really are overwhelming. I’m sure we’ve all experienced that moment where you have to buy shampoo but nothing on display looks like it will work.
What are some of the challenges you found in creating a convincing, complex character?
I feel I write most convincingly when the character develops around the plot. For this assignment, I was under the impression that there wasn’t really supposed to be a plot. This forced me to focus solely on the character, something I’m not normally comfortable. Also, shampoo type is a little shallow, so it was hard to make her complex. I felt the switch to bodywash and the ease with which she made that decision stood in contrast to her shampoo indecision, giving her complexity.
When designing your character, did you attempt to offer the reader something familiar, unsettling/unusual, or a combination of the two? Why did you make this choice and what mechanisms did you employ to achieve this goal?
I tried to give the reader something familiar. Everyone, or at least every girl, has had this problem at least once, so they can relate. I did try to add an unusual twist at the end; she did get the perfect bottle of shampoo. This is a life-changing event. No one I know has ever found the perfect shampoo, but I can just imagine how momentous of an occasion that might be. Since shampoo is a pretty mundane topic, I felt it safest to keep it familiar. The colored bottles, the scents, the functions – all of these can be found on any shampoo shelf. I also tried to bring in examples we all might have seen, like the effects of wind on the different types of hair, and the girls with strongly perfumed shampoo who end up smelling like old ladies.
2 comments:
I think that this piece does a good job of using humor and a rather trivial example to illuminate meaningful insights into the nature of the character. At first I was kind of wondering, "where's the character development," but then I realized that, in fact, there was a wealth of information in the story. I didn't notice it at first because the story managed to stay interesting in a way that Middlemarch, for example, did not. It had an overarching "dilemma," and this was, in my opinion, a very good device to keep the whole of the piece interesting while still allowing the character development to proceed.
As for what I didn't like about it, I thought that maybe the dilemma of finding a shampoo was a little too trivial. It seems to me that, in order to reveal the deepest and most meaningful traits of a character there has to be a deeper level of psychological stress, duress, introspection, etc. Also, one sentence didn't make sense to me, and that was, "As she checked Julie out, she slipped in the blue bottle." I'm not really sure what "slipped in the blue bottle" means. Maybe there's a word missing? Anyway, overall it was good, but I think it could've been better if a more challenging situation had been used.
Kristina, I really like the beginning of this story and the way it subtly draws the reader into wanting to read more. What is she upset about? What decisions does she need answered? In your reflection you wrote that it was difficult to show without telling, but I thought you did a really nice job here portraying the main character’s inner turmoil; I don’t think it would have been nearly as effective if you had simply told the reader what the protagonist was thinking.
While there are several instances in which you made a conscious effort to show the rather than tell, there were a few instances where I thought it might be effective to show the reader what you mean. For instance, Canary states that she will feel like a “black sheep” in the family if she does not succeed. It might work better to illustrate what exactly her family situation is. Are they all successful painters with commissions to paint all over the world? Are they celebrities with pretty faces and exuberant charm? Are they successful in business? And, if so, what is there business and how were they successful? These questions may help get the ball rolling. Overall though I liked the character sketch.
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